We will weather the weather whether we like it or not.   Weather, Chicago style --

• 60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
  Chicago people sunbathe.

• 50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
  Chicago people plant gardens.

• 40 above - Italian cars won't start.
  Chicago people drive with the windows down.

• 32 above - Distilled water freezes.
  Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

• 20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
  Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

• 15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
  Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

• 0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.
  Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over their sweatshirt.

• 20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
  Chicago people get out their winter coats.

• 40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
  Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

• 60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
  Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

• 80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes.
  Chicago people rent some videos.

• 100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
  Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

• 297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products.
  Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

• 460 below - ALL atomic motion stops.
  Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

• 500 below - Hell freezes over.
  The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.